The quickening pace of firework bangs in the background is telling me it’s almost time. I’ve said it before but I’m having a hard time comprehending the fact that the end of the year has already come. To be honest, I’m in a strange state of mind right now – have been for the last couple of weeks. I cannot explain clearly in my head, but maybe writing it down helps. It feels like floating in some kind of in-between zone, not fully there, not fully gone either. Just doing my thing, trying to be present but not really succeeding. Feeling like there are a million more things to do and I’m running out of time before the year ends, yet I’m slow and slightly unaware of time.
It also feels a bit like a blur, like nothing actually happened in the last 365 days, though when I go back, hundreds of memories pop up in my mind. Happy ones, special ones, sad ones, empty ones. It’s all there but it’s also all gone. Do you know what I mean?
A friend of mine said: “yes, it’s a new year, but it’s also just another tomorrow.” That really lifts the pressure off for me and thinking about it that way feels nice. At the same time though I’d like to think of 2019 as a new beginning in some way. I’ve been so focused on what I wanted this year and I felt frustrated and hurt when it simply did not go the way I wanted it to go.
Because of this, unexpected situations received less value from me than they would have probably deserved to receive and I want to do that different this next year. Being more at ease with how it comes, when it comes, putting more trust in everything going the way it just. has. to. go.
I’ve lived through constant confrontation more than ever this year, on multiple levels, and that was new to me. I’m not ready yet to talk about it on here, but those who know me well, know. Even though it was hurtful at times and it still is, I think I’ve grown a lot because of this. I realise that not everything comes that easy, I will not always get things my way. Therefore I know I will appreciate it even more when my wishes are finally being answered to. And besides, I am still learning to appreciate everything I already have. God, am I thankful for all of this.
That being said, it’s now time to look back at this year, 2018, which was actually… pretty good. A trip to the snow, to Ireland, Copenhagen, Paris and Stockholm, welcoming our furry girl to our home, turning 26, getting engaged to the love of my life in Denmark, watching my baby niece grow into the sweetest and funniest one-year-old, connecting ever more deeply with both my dear friends and family and even more so: connecting with myself and to the whole universe for that matter, feeling every one of those connections on a higher + deeper level.
A lively year, in images:
See you in 2019.